Tuesday, January 27, 2009

First Steps

Izzie took her first steps by herself yesterday! She's been cruising along the furniture for some time now, and walking while holding onto someones fingers. I've been trying to get her to get comfortable walking while holding on with only one hand, and she's getting the hang of it.

But then yesterday, she walked without help.

Izzie was walking along the floor, like normal, and I moved my fingers out of her hands and started holding onto the back of her overalls. And then I let go. She walked for a solid 10 seconds and then fell onto all fours. Sat on her bum, looked me straight in the eye and yelled at me while a "WTF" expression filled her face. It took all my power not to laugh!

Those 10 seconds of walking were filled with so many thoughts; pride, sorrow, hope, cursing myself for not having the camera, anxiety, and so on.

Seems like such a short time has passed from this:
Mad that I tried to get her to stand in the lake

To this:

Cruising after, and tormenting, Argyle

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Me? I was a drunk bride

I just spent the afternoon at the Winnipeg Wedding show and I have one thing to say. I am so glad I'm not getting married!

Our friend Jessica is newly engaged to her long time, long distance love Chris. They met in high school, suffered through torturous separation due to going to different Universities in different provinces and are now on the road to wedded bliss. But enough about them, I'm the Matron of Honour. (Yes spell check, up here we spell it with a u.)

Yay me! Huzzah! I get to be the matron. Doesn't sound so glamorous but if anyone can make it glamorous, Jessica can.

I wasn't lying! Actually it was my only
drink of the night

My wedding was planned in about 3 weeks and was exactly 3 months from engagement to wedding. My Phil lived in North Dakota and I wanted him IMMEDIATELY!! So, we planned for our wedding to be around the American Thanksgiving so his relatives could be there and had it in Kenora so most of my relatives could be there. STRESSFUL! So I drank a wee bit to calm my nervous ass down. Did it work? Hell yeah!

Spending the 5 hours at the wedding show made me think about how much pressure there is for the perfect wedding. I definetly felt that pressure during those three months. I can't imagine being engaged for years. Our wedding did turn out to be perfect. But it was different. It was in a museum, at 7pm and there was no sit down dinner or speeches or throwing of the bouquet. We had a mix and mingle with a live celtic band playing and home made wine. The museum was decorated for Christmas with trees and tinsel and lights everywhere. It was simple, to the point and very us. And I loved it.

I can't imagine the stress Jessica is feeling. She is aiming for 2010, but has not nailed any other detail down. But since she's only been engaged for two weeks, she doesn't need to have anything nailed down. Go with the flow I say, and that is the flow of liquor!

Side note #1: When my mother learned of our engagement, she told me that she wasn't good with planning "those sort of things." Turned out, she planned most of my wedding. Silly mama.

Side note #2: Most of Phils pipe band thought he was marrying me because I was pregnant. Well I wasn't, he married me for other reasons. So boo on you pipe band!

My bridesmaids Shawna, Chrissie and Shelagh
and I giving the glamour pose

Friday, January 16, 2009

To tired to think of a clever title

A happy Izzie, post nap

The bedroom is a battlefield! That's because Izzie and I disagree..about her needing to sleep. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we have a party girl on our hands.

She's asleep now, and has been for just over an hour. Success, right? Well, this is because she was up from 2 am to 5 am last night. Ouch. Ouch for Phil, not for me. Super Phil got up with her to play in the living room while I slumbered. To my credit, I did get up with her every other time she woke up this week. I think it was 3 times, 2 hours + each time. That's right, she likes to party, people. And this has been going on, off and on, since she was about 3 months.

We've tried everything. Putting her in the crib, putting her in the bed, nursing her, (Me, not Phil) rocking her, rubbing her, putting on her bedtime music, changing her, pleading with her, bribing her, giving her water, giving her teeth medication, cuddling her, singing to her, and more things that I can't remember because I was half asleep.

Short of drugging her, we've done everything we can think of! And I'm not going to drug my daughter. So let's not even go there.

I could eventually get into the habit of this if she was making up for this lost sleep by napping twice a day. Not the case. She fights naps as well. It took me an hour to get her to nap today. She was ready for a nap, exhausted and unable to keep her head up, but she still wouldn't do it. (Her way of telling me that she's not going down is to either bite me while nursing or to pop off the boob, smile and me, then nipple twist me. "OUCH, F#*KING HELL!!!" I say in my head, while I tell her in dulcet tones, "No Izzie, hurt momma." Alright, maybe I let out a yelp or a cuss once in a while but I try to stop myself.) So we left the bedroom and played. She's so tired that she falls down, lets her head bonk the floor when she crawls, yawns, rubs her eyes, and is cranky. Who can blame her, she's tired! NOW GO TO SLEEP! Nope, nothing doing.

And then there are the nights and days when she goes with out a fight.

Sleep little monkey..

My little party girl. If I think this is tough now, I shudder to think what her teens will be like. Well, at least we have some time before then.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wonderful Winnipeg

Phil and Izzie out for a walking in "warmer" times

It's -50 degrees Celsius with the windchill today, which is -52 degrees Fahrenheit. It's a balmy -34 degrees without the windchill.

I love Winnipeg, I really do, but this is crazy! So cold that the cats water dish, which is in the kitchen close to a door leading outside, froze last night. Yikes! We were all snuggled in bed together. Daddy, Izzie, cats and me. Co-sleeping wins again!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Royal "We"

In my pre-mommy days, I was a snarky, sarcastic, uppity singleton. (I am not saying all singletons are like that, or that any singletons are like that, but I sure was!) I looked at mothers as something I would never turn into. If I ever had a child, I was going to be sophisticated, all-knowing mother with the well behaved child who never acted out or up. I was going to work out of the home, I was going to go out at night, and I was never going to act cutesy (blech!) with my child. My husband and I were not only going to talk about our children, we would hold intellectual conversations that I would be able to follow and focus on. There would be a clear line between where I stopped and my child started. I was not going to live my life through my children.

So, that didn't happen. (As I'm sure you've guessed.) I am a stay/work at home mother, I only remember things 5 seconds after they happened, I'm knackered all the time, I haven't showered in days, and I can't hold a conversation for more than one minute with my long suffering husband. I don't live my life through my daughter. I delight in her independence. The way she can already play with her toys and books on her own. The way she looks at me when she wants me to stop playing with her toys. She's hilarious.

The one thing I find interesting/suprising is that I talk about Izzie with "Someone did..." or "We did..." I never say that Izzie did something negative, or use Izzie's name to describe how her day was. I use the royal "we" instead. I have become we. And I wonder if this is right. Am I doing damage to my child by not subjecting her to the negatives? Talking about her as us. I never talk(ed) about Phil and I as "us." So why am I doing it now? Or is it possible that I am trying sheild my daughter from my negativity.

I remember when I was pregnant, I avoided peanut butter like the plague. I had read an article that stated if a pregnant woman ate peanut butter, her child was more prone to a peanut allergy. Then a few months after Izzie was born, I read an article stating the opposite. I started shoving peanut butter in my mouth so my breast feed daughter would build an immunity. How are any of us to know how what we are doing now will effect and change our children? How? HOW?? Blerg, it's very annoying.

So from her on out, I will continue as I have. I will refer to Izzie as someone when I'm talking about a negative circumstance and I will talk about "our" day. I will not change a thing. Because the constant second guessing never stops.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Blogger Butt

The last few days (last two days actually) have been really nice here. And by nice I mean that the temperature was above -20. So Izzie and I have been out for walks as much as possible.

Last year, when Izzie popped out, I barely left the house. I actually stayed in for January and February. Mainly because it was one of the coldest winters I have ever seen, but also because whenever I left Izzie I would start to cry. Those crazy hormones I tell you, yee gads! So once March hit I was ready to bundle up little baby and start hitting the pavement.

Then summer hit and Phil and I became bikers. Not biker-bikers, but bicycle-bikers. It was wonderful to put Izzie in her bike seat on my bike and to go for family rides, which we did till November. Then it snowed. Then it was to cold to do anything but stay inside and eat and drink and play with Izzie's toys and be on the computer.

Henceforth, Blogger Butt. I can't actually blame it on writing a blog, but I can blame it on blogs. Since no one ventures outside in this weather and I don't know many mothers here in Winnipeg, I read blogs. This may sound sad, but I look to blogs to give me my "other mother" interaction. What else do you expect me to do in -30 degree weather?? I go to my mothers group every Wednesday and Izzie and I try to go out everyday but that just isn't enough. I need to hear that other people are going through the same things as me! Stop judging me! (I am talking to myself of course.)

So when I have free time, and sometimes when I should be doing something else, I'm reading blogs. And so spreads the butt. Not a pretty sight for my long suffering husband who constantly gets to hear every womanly steryotype usher forth from my lips. But I digress.

So I have made it my mission to start working out. Not a lot, but to actually try. I'm not going to be trying to loose weight, just take care of myself. So sit ups, push ups and daily walks (weather permitting) are all in order. And yoga when I have a bit more time.

And then in a few short (long!) months, spring will arrive and I will be outta the house!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Don't Panic

I've always enjoyed "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. So I'm slightly ripping him off with my title. But it has become my mantra for the last few days.

On Tuesday we went to the doctor's for Izzie's first year check up and shots. Turns out that Izzie is a bit of a lightweight. She's so much of a lightweight that she is in the 4th percentile. And the doctor was worried and wants us back in a month to check her again.

Moments like that, some people shut down, some freak, some cry and some wonder why. I wondered why. I've talked with many people about this and they've all said the samething. Izzie looks fine, and she is light but since she eats regularly and is healthy that I shouldn't worry. "Don't let Izzie see you upset, it will affect her."

I think the best lesson I will take from all of this is: "Don't make food or feeding an issue." I have worked very hard to make meal time a relaxed, leisurly time. No force, no freaking out. Once we came back from the doctors, all that flew out the window. I started writing everything she ate down, I started shoving food into her mouth, I started analyzing my mother-ing/isms. And once I sat down and started to breath I realized that I was doing more harm than good. I stopped and let Izzie be herself.

Izzie has hit all of her developmental milestones, she is well fed, and she's fine. (I know she's fine. My other mantra) She is a bright, beautiful little wonder....who is trying to gnaw on my knee as I type..goof. She is slight, and petite. I am not, but her father is. And even though I am going to be calm and cool, I will worry. That is the one thing I will not be able to stop. As I tell Phil; I worry. It's what I do.

Also, a good friend of mine sent me a link to the WHO growth chart that acknowledges that BF babies tend to be leaner that FF babies. I'm not knocking FF babies or their mothers! But I wanted to include the link if anyone was interested.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Back to normal

Today marked the first day of the end of the holidays. Gone are the days when Phil or my mom are here, hanging out with Izzie and I. Sad is I. But also happy to get back to our regular routine. It's hard to keep Izzie on her schedule when people are home, we both want to party! And believe me, Izzie needs to be on a schedule. She wont sleep if she's not.

Today was also the first day that all of us in the house started to feel normal. The ninja cold seems to have moved on, and Izzie was much more active. She is starting to run (with help, of course) down the hallways. Her top half tends to get a bit more mometum than the bottom half. I can no longer plop her in the Jolly Jumper so I can drudge through the dishes, vaccum or other neccessary household clean ups. Those have to wait till a nap or till Phil comes home....or a few days.

So Izzie and I hung out in the house, not venturing outside. The weather was -32 degrees Celsius, which is damn cold. We have a new game that we can play, hide and go seek. I tell Izzie that I am hiding, run around a corner, crouch down and pretend to hide. I peek out every now and then to make sure she's headed my way and either gasp or say "peek-a-boo" really loudly. And she crawls or "wall-walks"(walks with assistance fromt the walls) towards me. We can pass a good long while doing this. It tires her out, and gets me off my butt. Also, it's a good way to get Izzie into the room I want her in. We also spend a bit of time going up stairs. I can always gauge how tired she is by this. The more tired, the longer it takes. There have been a few times when she'll only make it up a few flights and we have to go for a nap. Now she has to learn to go downstairs, but we're not there yet.

I have also decided something this past week. It's about breastfeeding, so if you don't like reading about that than stop here......... I have decided to continue with the breast feeding. When I started, I was happy to reach year 1 and then be over with it. But I enjoy it, Izzie enjoys it and the benifits of continuing are numerous. I will not put an expiration date on breastfeeding. I will allow it to naturally occur and to continue only while Izzie and myself enjoy it. If she decides to self wean early, so be it. And that is all I have to say about that!

Friday, January 2, 2009


Izzie is one year old today. So hard to believe that she's been with us for a whole year. Feels like time just flew by. (I think sleep deprivation does that to you.) Picture our household at the beginning of a new month, Phil and I look at each other and exclaim "Where did (insert month here) go?!?!?" It's been like this since Izzie was born....well for me at least. Phil said that it's been like this since we got engaged. Ha, I guess that's better than feeling like he's spending eternity with me!
Birthday cupcake with Nana
So we celebrated her day of birth with cupcakes and presents. Very low key affair. Which was perfect since we all have a touch of cold. This is the first time the whole house has had a sickness. Usually it's just one or two. But not this time. Oh no, this was the cold of the colds. It was badass in every way. It left no survivors. It even got Nana while she visited! This was the super ninja of colds, dealing out it's coldy vengence. (Did I mention in an earlier post that I make up words too? Oh, well I do.)

Okay, I'm stopping with the cold. We have it almost beat, so talking about it will probably give it more power. And that ain't happening.

Wow, I thought my post of Izzie's first birthday would be sweet and sad and loving. No, not my style, I talk about ninja colds. Sorry monkey!